It’s true. I don’t care what Richard Dawkins says about the only real magic being the kind we witness in the universe, I know my powers are magical and I have proof they exist.
My magic powers are special abilities that I possess for which is there is no scientific explanation. I have identified three of them, but I’m not ruling out more.
Skeptical? Check this out:
My first magic power is being able to parallel park flawlessly every time. Anyone who knows me knows this is an impossibility. I’m a terrible driver. Partly because I get distracted (it’s so boring!) and partly because I’ve got no depth perception. When I cook I have to ask other people if the pot is big enough. I can’t figure out how to fit more than 2 flashlights in a milk crate. Put it this way: if I were to take an IQ test for spatial ability, I’d get a 10. And yet…when it’s time to parallel park, I slip right in like a hand in a glove or a pig in a blanket or a stacking chair on top of another identical stacking chair.
My second magic power is being able to tell exactly how long to set the microwave every time. Now, I know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking it’s because I’ve owned the same microwave for 11 years and I just know it really well. Well, you’re wrong because my powers work on microwaves I’ve never used before. Never even seen before. What else, other than magic, could account for that? Answer me that, why don’t you!
My third, and so far final but I’m leaving the door open for others to emerge, power isn’t really mine. It’s an object that I own that’s imbued with magical properties. Like the Green Lantern’s ring. Or that stick Moses turned into a snake (so cool). My personal talisman is a pair of earrings my sister gave me when I was 11. Even though they’re tiny, they cannot be lost. I’m telling you, I’ve owned these earrings for more than thirty years and I wear them 4 or 5 days a week. They’ve gone missing for hours, even days at a time, but I always find them. In fact, I’m wearing them now. My magical earrings.
My magic powers give me tremendous pleasure and satisfaction. When I dig around my jewelry box and one of the earrings isn’t there, my heart rate doesn’t speed a millisecond because I know it’s just a matter of time – and not a lot of time – before the earring turns up. When I eyeball a parking spot fit for a Mini Cooper from the driver’s seat of my SUV, I let out a triumphant “Ha HA!” and glide in. And when a friend asks me to load the popcorn into her microwave, I punch in 2-0-0-START, spin around and murmur, “But you’ll want to take it out 10 seconds early.”
I just hope that going public won’t make the juju wear off.